Envy is uncomfortable. Most of us try to push it away, deny it, or rationalise it into something more acceptable.
But envy is also information. Specifically, it's a signal that tells you exactly who your mimetic models are — the people whose desires you've been unconsciously absorbing.
This exercise uses envy as a diagnostic tool. It takes about ten minutes, and it might reveal more about your hidden motivations than hours of introspection.
How to do it
Step 1: List the people who trigger your envy.
Be honest. This list is for you alone.
Include people you know personally: colleagues, friends, family members, acquaintances, former classmates.
Include people you know only through media: social media figures, public personalities, anyone whose life or achievements make you feel that uncomfortable twinge.
Don't filter. Don't judge. Just list names.
Step 2: For each person, write what specifically triggers you.
It's rarely the whole person. It's something specific: their career success, their relationship, their lifestyle, their appearance, their freedom, their recognition.
Write it down. Be specific.
Step 3: Note the intensity and frequency.
How often do you think about this person or compare yourself to them? Is the envy a mild background hum, or does it consume significant mental space?
Step 4: Look for patterns.
Once you have your list, step back. What themes emerge?
- Is there a particular domain where most of your envy concentrates? (Career, relationships, lifestyle, creative output, social status)
- Are your triggers mostly close (people you actually know) or distant (media figures)?
- Are there specific people who trigger multiple forms of envy?
What the patterns mean
If most of your envy is career-related, your sense of self-worth might be overly tied to professional achievement. You've probably absorbed the idea that career success = personal value. It's worth examining where that came from.
If your triggers are mostly close to you — peers, colleagues, friends — you're deep in mimetic rivalry. These are the most volatile comparisons, and the most likely to generate real distress. Consider whether you need more distance from some of these relationships.
If your triggers are mostly media figures, you might have an unhealthy relationship with social media or celebrity culture. These are artificial comparisons — you're measuring yourself against curated highlights from people you don't actually know.
If one person dominates your envy, pay attention. They're functioning as your primary mimetic model, whether you chose them or not. Ask yourself: is this person's path actually what I want? Or have I just absorbed their desires by proximity?
The liberating insight
The people who trigger your envy are showing you your borrowed desires.
You envy them because they have what you've been taught to want. If you didn't want it — really, authentically want it — you wouldn't feel envy. You'd feel indifferent.
This means the envy map isn't just diagnostic. It's a guide to where you might want to let go.
Some of what triggers your envy might be genuinely important to you. Fair enough. But some of it — probably more than you'd like to admit — is borrowed. It's not yours. You don't have to keep wanting it.
The envy can dissolve once you see that the desire was never yours to begin with.
One more thing
After you've made your map, try this: pick one person on the list. The next time you notice envy toward them, pause.
Instead of pushing the feeling away, get curious about it. Where did you learn to want what they have? What would actually change in your life if you achieved what they've achieved?
Often, the honest answer is: not much. The envy is about the wanting itself, not about the thing.
And once you see that, you're a little bit freer.
The envy map is one of several exercises in my book Someone Else's Dream. If you found this useful, the book goes deeper into identifying borrowed desires and cultivating authentic ones.